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Forgive yourself (Time to move on)

By Gary On June 2, 2009 Under Uncategorized

“Reflect upon you present blessings, of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” —Charles Dickens

The immortal Charles Dickens puts it in terms that all can relate to. The reality of self forgiveness comes into play in all of our lives at one time or another. The need to let it go can eat away at one’s soul for many years.

We have all done things that we regret. It is safe to say that every one out there has something in their past that they wish they could do over. Guess what…Welcome to the human race. We all make mistakes. We always will.

How much time do you spend regretting past events in your life? Do you find yourself constantly revisiting those same past events second guessing yourself and wondering “what if I had done it this way”…Then would the outcome have been more positive?

Ask your self this question…Is this healthy for me to continue to beat myself up over this choice or can I just learn from it and move on?…Sounds simple doesn’t it? But actually doing it is much harder than one may think. We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to blaming ourselves for the past.

Putting the blame on ourselves may or may not be valid. Certain things we blame ourselves for were never in our control to begin with. The fact remains that until we reach some sort of justification in our minds then it will continue to come into play.

I am not referring to actions that have malicious intent from the outset. That form of justification is simply not part of this discussion. I am commenting from the perspective that people are basically good and mean well. There are obviously exceptions to this but I can hardly believe that those types will be a part of this forum. So we will let them continue as they will and hope that they will one day find peace and return to the mainstream.

I also find it very hard to fathom that all human beings, no mater how evil they may appear, don’t have regrets when they close their eyes and revisit the wrongs they have done. Their time will come.

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2 comments - add yours
LJ

June 7, 2009

Forgiveness is one of the greatest stumbling blocks in life. People have dramatic experiences caused by themselves or others and get caught in the quagmire of that event for the rest of their lives. This leads to living less than the potential life of happiness that could be waiting.

Foregiveness is so hard that many people need to turn to religion or society to be foregiven. This is one of the premises of Christianity. “Believe in God and surely though shalt be saved.” with the implication that no matter what you did, you can ask for a last minute reprieve while sitting in the electric chair, believe in God, and you will be saved. This of course means that God has foregiven you because the power in simply believing in God is redemtive in itself.

My philosophy is simpler and needs to be used every day throughout your life. Believe that you are human and that you have instincts and generations of evolutionary DNA coding that you will make a mistake because society continues to evolve and your continuously trying to adapt.

In other words while my ancestors dwelled in caves and fought other clans for resources it was probably acceptable to club an intruder that strayed off into your territory just because. Because they posed a threat or was consuming the resources your clan has claimed as theirs and held with might. Kind of makes you thing about oil. I digress. That was totally acceptable because laws had not been developed yet. Society had not grown to a state that needed to create such laws.

Zoom forward to 2009. We are totally constrained by laws. Laws that indicate that you cannot only not kill but if you do, you need to prove that you were threatened. If you do kill, then you need to be sentenced, serve your time in order to be foregiven. That is our system in society. “By the powers invested in the state of Ohio, you are hereby redeimed of the crime of which you have fully served your sentence for. You are forgiven.”

So our environment has changed so much that every time you turn around you have done something that for one reason or another you have done something wrong and to heal from that stigma, forgivness has to take place first. This of course is the first stumbling block, we have created societies and dieties that need to do the forgiving and overlooked that you yourself are the one that has the internal healing power.

It is all a matter of perspective. Some people do not have the strength to realize that they can and need to understand thier strengths and weaknesses as human beings. You will make mistakes. You can overcome the guilt and suppressive behavior derived from guilt if you learn that you are the one with the secret snake juice of foregiveness. Not the state or pie in the sky.

Gary

June 7, 2009

Thank you for your comments LJ. They are well thought out and presented. Although I agree with most of you views, my post was more toward self forgiveness. The ability to let one’s guilt go and not control their lives.

There are no laws or any religious beliefs that are a better judge of us than ourselves. You do not need a judge or a jury to know the difference between right and wrong.

My post also excluded acts with malicious intent. People of that ilk do not comply to the same thinking as those that would participate in a forum such as this.

My intent was to reach out to those who think they have failed and have lost the will to keep trying. I myself have been in that state of mind and I wish to help others climb out of that miserable existence.