You brought up an interesting question. That of “not anyones fault”. Isn’t today’s world filled with people NOT wanting to take responsibility for their lives, their situations their poor decision making. I may have gone on a dfferent tangent than you had meant but it’s on my questioning mind. What does one do with this? The “NOT anyones fault mentality” makes everything all right, then anything can go. Is that really healthy or a New Age way of thinking? Maybe I am over thinking my life and my decisions or maybe I carry around more guilt than belongs to me. Just questioning my expectations of others but mostly questioning myself and my way of thinking.
Life’s Expectations
Expectations of ones self are at times a healthy method of setting goals that can encourage personal growth. Expectations are present in all aspects of our lives. Our jobs, our relationships, our faith, all comprise a certain mindset that expects things to occur in a logical progression. This is commonly known as our “comfort zone”. Dealing with everyday events that fall within our comfort zone are easily dealt with and taken in stride with little effort.
On the other hand, when expectations are set to high it makes them unattainable therefore having a negative effect on all involved. I am not saying to set the bar low so it is easy to attain the goal set forth, but setting it to high is unrealistic and prevents any form of self gratification.
So our goal in essence is setting our expectations high enough to encourage personal growth while keeping them within reach. Breaking them down into manageable pieces also makes it less intimidating to achieve.
Looking back through your life at your failed relationships or jobs or anything for that matter is simply the result of not meeting the expectations of the parties involved. Not necessarily anyone’s fault but the fact remains that one or both of the party’s expectations not being satisfied are the root cause of the problem.
Perhaps a better method would be to identify and make each others expectations known at the outset of any given situation. Take away the possibility of an unpleasant surprise after the fact. Letting others know what you expect can only have a positive impact on any relationship.
Related Posts
5 comments - add yours
Questioning_One
May 28, 2009
Gary
May 28, 2009
Questioning_One you make a valid point. I guess I did not make myself perfectly clear in my commentary. I agree that taking responsibility for our lives and our actions is imperative to gain full understanding of ourselves and our surroundings.
My point was “don’t sweat what you can’t control”. If someone’s Else’s expectations are out of reach one should not blame themselves for not being able to fulfill them. Also defining said expectations from the onset of a relationship provides a much better shot at achieving happiness.
So in essence what I am saying is…Its not healthy to blame yourself for being unable to meet others expectations. On the other hand it is of the utmost importance that we strive to meet our own expectations of ourselves.
My Amazing Weight Loss Story
May 28, 2009
Thanks for posting, I really enjoyed your newest post. I think you should post more often, you evidently have talent for blogging!
LJ
May 30, 2009
The larger problem than setting goals and not obtaining them is not setting any goals at all, and obtaining that.
I see this to often with good people. I see people who fall into the trap who never set goals and wonder how in the hell they wind up where they are in life. Many are jealous of what other people have worked hard for and covet what they have no right to, because they did not even have the genetic ability to think about setting a goal. Or they were simply to lazy to reach for something out of there comfort zone and make the down payment in sweat equity and hard work to achieve it. I usually call these people Democrats.
I have never met a person who sets goals and has achieved nothing in life. I have met risk takers who have lost everything they have previously obtained but were willing to gamble it for something greater. Of course what we are measuring is more of a personal definition in terms of achievement. In my book its not where we are at but how far we have come. If you take a retarded person who learns how to make baskets and compare him to a natrually gifted athlete who can slam dunk I think the retarded person has achieve more than the athlete. The athlete is doing what comes natural as to where the retard had to work hard and learn to make baskets. They will never win an NBA tournament but they have learned to play the game.
I live by these principals. Exercize the body and the mind and everything will come together. I have a spreadsheet that has different areas and aspects in my life that I want to make sure I am investing in and working towards achieveing. I usually assess the progress every quarter and make adjustments. Sometimes I get more done than planned and sometimes I get less done than planned. When I don’t get done what I wanted to. I determine the reason. Sometimes the reason was because I was lazy or to tired.
An important part of that entire process is admitting the failure, determining why I failed and the most important part, is to forgive myself. It is my journey, my goal, my measurement, my life and happiness that I have to live with.
Gary
May 30, 2009
Great post LJ. You definitely “get it”. The spreadsheet idea is an approach I find very interesting. A way to break it down and analyze each and every step in the process. Good stuff.
My intent is to open a discussion such as this where we can share and learn from each other. We all have a different vantage point and to understand another’s is a very valuable tool in self development.
Don’t be a stranger.