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By Gary On June 23, 2009
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Recently turning 50 has had a very strange effect on my way of thinking. Looking back over the years I would have never thought things would be the way they have turned out. There is good and bad as you may have guessed. The most compelling thought is that I wish I knew half as much as I thought I did in the past. With every day comes another reminder that I did not have all the answers.
In retrospect things could have been much worse for I have had a good life all in all. Many are worse off and I am thankful for what I have been given. I also feel for those who have been less fortunate than I. We all must play the hands we are dealt in the best way we can.
At this stage I find myself constantly looking back and second guessing my prior decisions. Trying to weigh each and every situation in my mind and asking myself “what if” I would have done it this way instead. Probably a natural progression of a man at this stage of life. Not really being sure if this is a healthy approach or not. But I do see it as a way of learning from my mistakes or my victory’s.
On a positive note it is very seldom that I come upon a situation now that I don’t have an occurrence in my past to draw upon to make what I think is the right decision. Especially the times that I know that I made the wrong move in the past, I simply choose the other road. The power of deduction. If a mans mistakes are a measure of his current level of knowledge then I am a pretty smart fellow.
But getting older brings a new perspective on all things. New found confidence abounds due to the fact that I have the “been there, done that” card in hand now. The looking back factor still plays heavily on my mind. When I close my eyes at night I can’t help but to revisit all of the critical points in my life that I wish I could do over.
To quote Bob Segar in the song “Against the Wind”…”I am older now but still runnin against the wind”, seems to sum things up for me. But the journey has just begun as I see it. They say life begins at 50…I’ll let ya know
By Gary On June 18, 2009
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Tolerance…A very simple concept, yet seldom achieved. It can be said that all things bad can be attributed to the lack of tolerance. This of course excludes natural disasters and acts of God, but all of mankind’s inflicted perils are due to a lack of tolerance.
Consider this; all wars are fought over the lack of tolerance or understanding of the other side. Religious beliefs, land disputes and power struggles are but a few of the examples I refer to. The inability to understand and recognize the other side’s point of view is the basis of conflict. In some cases it is the lack of recognition of another’s right to exist. How can anyone justify this outlook?
Divorce and the breakdown of family life can be attributed to lack of tolerance. Jealously for another’s worldly possessions employ thievery as the answer, he has more than I so I shall take from him. Life on the streets takes this to the ultimate level. Kids dying to claim the so called territory of another.
We are all put here on earth for a reason. I am quite aware that this may sound quite cliché but I feel the need to open this discussion to gain a perspective as to why this may occur. Do you really feel that you are better than I? Are you set of core beliefs better than mine? I tend to think not. But this has gone on for centuries and most likely will continue.
The fact is that if any civilization has made it this far, then they must have done something right. We can all learn from that. All have positive and negative aspects that can be shared for the gain of all. I am not the first to ask this question and hopefully I will not be the last.
But I can promise one thing. That is the fact that I will continue to ask the question. Day in and day out until I have the answer. This may be a life long quest to find the answer, but if I do, what a wonderful day that will be.
By Gary On June 15, 2009
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“Learn from Yesterday, Live for Today, Hope for Tomorrow”
I am really not sure who coined this phrase and it does not really matter. I just remember the first time I heard it, it sent a chill down to my soul. If only I could actually adhere to this philosophy and walk this walk how much simpler life would be. Three simple steps that pretty much say it all. How could you go wrong with this as you goal?
Well the answer may be quite simple as we all tend to ignore the first part of the equation. That is to “learn from yesterday”. How many times have we all gone into a situation knowing full well what the outcome would be, because we had been there before? Weather it be bad relationships, professional situations or many other life circumstances the fact remains that we usually have an experience to draw upon to help us make our choice. When a new horizon presents its self then we can either seek advice or try and come to a logical conclusion based on past experience.
But the experience in its self may or may not be enough to make a difference in our behavior. If it had been a bad experience then the level of tragedy incurred would have a direct influence on our ability to learn from it. In essence what I am saying is that you have to ask yourself a question…Did this occurrence cause enough pain or discomfort in my life to affect my future behavior ? If the answer is yes then we have learned something. If the answer is no then we are doomed to repeat it over and over until the pain outweighs the temptation. Simple enough but much easier understood than corrected.
On to part two…Living for today…This can sometimes be taken out of context and abused to a great degree. To live for today with no remorse or any thought of tomorrow is not the intent in my mind. I take it to be to live your life to its fullest without looking back because you have learned from your mistakes. Obviously hoping that you will only revisit the past in order to make the right decision’s for the present. Drawing upon your experience or what you have learned.
The final part “Hope for Tomorrow” is of the utmost importance. Without hope we all cease to exist really. We may go through the motions but it is just a form of running out the clock. We must have the dream of a better tomorrow. As human beings we need a goal, we need hope. We have all heard stories of downtrodden souls who had nothing but they never lost their hope. It kept them alive. Some of us have been their. I have been without hope and I must say it is not a pleasant place to be. But with the grace of God and help from friends and family I can again see the light. I must say it looks pretty damn good.
By Gary On June 12, 2009
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Looking back on my childhood I remember the dreams that filled my head at all times. Growing up I always dreamed of reaching greater heights. Like many children I had the usual idols. Athletes, Astronauts, movie stars and a bit later musicians came into play. Not even really knowing at the time why I worshipped those figures. Money, fame, women and prestige were not an issue at that point of my life.
The various stages of my life were consumed with the emulation of those I idolized. I was not the only one as all of us had someone we wanted to be like and we all had a list of reasons we thought meant everything. We postured and quoted these people as if they could do no wrong. Our appearance was directly tied to the one we choose.
But dreams are not limited to childhood. They are a constant in an ever changing life filled with new challenges and new expectations. Without dreams we cease to exist in essence. We no longer have any desire to better ourselves or our situation, therefore depleting all growth. Be it physical or mental.
Many factors exists that can rob us of our dreams if we let them. At times we feel that all are against us and the walls are caving in. That state of mind opens up an entire set of undesirable options that many of us have experienced.
We may withdraw from society or become angry with the world. Some turn to drugs and alcohol to find an answer. I have personal experience with the latter response and I can assure you it is not the answer. With every drink, or every line or pill you find your very soul melting like the ice in the bottom of your glass. You mind constantly races to justify what you know is just plain wrong. You kill yourself in a slow direct fashion. Your dreams and hopes fade along with whatever you may have at that point in your life. If you come out alive you have nothing to show.
It is then you will learn what life really means. Your true friends are still there. You look to them and your family to forgive you of your past discrepancies. They seem to understand but the guilt remains. You wish you could have another shot.
If you came out of the gig alive then God is giving you another shot. He did me. I am using that shot to reach out to others of like mind and try to offer anything I can. When I awoke in the hospital after having a cocaine induced heart attack I asked for one more chance. He gave me that chance and I intend to use it wisely.
By Gary On June 9, 2009
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“We are not physical beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
In our minds we have all asked ourselves time and time again if there is someone or something up above. Even those with the strongest faith still have the question arise at times. I would like to open a discussion about this very issue.
Whether it is Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism or countless other religions, all have one thing in common. That is the belief in a higher power. The fact that someone or something is responsible for the creation of our very being. Many wars have been fought for the proclamation of who’s God was the real God.
This text is not meant to imply or even discuss that issue. Who am I, or anyone for that matter, to say my God is superior to your God. The point is that we have a God (or whatever you religion may call the superior being). We as humans need something to believe in. A place to turn in times of need and doubt.
I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus Christ. I have read the bible and try my best to follow the 10 commandments. There are times I fail and I ask forgiveness in order to return to the flock if you will.
But once again, I am opening a discussion on how our beliefs affect our lives. Not whose is right or wrong. As stated in the opening quote by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. We are spiritual beings having a physical experience.
How have your beliefs affected your life? Where do you feel you would be without them?
By Gary On June 3, 2009
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“Every cloud has a silver lining”, “Is the glass half empty or half full” just a couple of cliché’s we have all heard countless times. The way we look at things defines us as a person. It tells the world that we are what we are. We all can be either a positive force or a negative influence.
Our outlook on life affects each and every aspect of it. It is a continuous choice that we make either consciously or unconsciously. Our reaction calculated or not, has a direct influence on the outcome of every situation.
Think about the people you know. We all know those on both ends of the spectrum. Most probably lie somewhere in between but the fact remains that both extremes exist. The negative person definitely being the most disruptive or destructive. The bad apple cliché comes to mind here.
Maintaining a positive outlook has always helped every situation. Be it family, professional, friendship or social, a positive outlook is always welcomed and admired. The most amazing thing about this is that it is so easy to accomplish. Simply looking in the mirror and telling yourself that you are going to part of the solution and not part of the problem is all that it really takes.
Yes I understand this is much easier said than done in some cases. Outside influences may have an impact on one’s attitude and their ability to be positive. But that does not change the fact that the effort should be made at all times. My answer has always been my faith, my friends and my family. Without them I may or may not have gotten through some prior situations. But the fact that they were there gives me a solid foundation to build on mentally.
So when you find yourself thinking in a negative manner, take a step back to gain a different perspective. What have you got to lose? No one really enjoys that state of mind. It’s just a result of what has occurred to take them there. If you see a friend in that state, why not try and help them by asking a few simple questions? We all appreciate a little help now and then. You may get a course response but if you care about the person then that is something you should be able to handle.
Give it a shot. What do you have to lose?
By Gary On June 2, 2009
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“Reflect upon you present blessings, of which every man has many – not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” —Charles Dickens
The immortal Charles Dickens puts it in terms that all can relate to. The reality of self forgiveness comes into play in all of our lives at one time or another. The need to let it go can eat away at one’s soul for many years.
We have all done things that we regret. It is safe to say that every one out there has something in their past that they wish they could do over. Guess what…Welcome to the human race. We all make mistakes. We always will.
How much time do you spend regretting past events in your life? Do you find yourself constantly revisiting those same past events second guessing yourself and wondering “what if I had done it this way”…Then would the outcome have been more positive?
Ask your self this question…Is this healthy for me to continue to beat myself up over this choice or can I just learn from it and move on?…Sounds simple doesn’t it? But actually doing it is much harder than one may think. We can be our own worst enemy when it comes to blaming ourselves for the past.
Putting the blame on ourselves may or may not be valid. Certain things we blame ourselves for were never in our control to begin with. The fact remains that until we reach some sort of justification in our minds then it will continue to come into play.
I am not referring to actions that have malicious intent from the outset. That form of justification is simply not part of this discussion. I am commenting from the perspective that people are basically good and mean well. There are obviously exceptions to this but I can hardly believe that those types will be a part of this forum. So we will let them continue as they will and hope that they will one day find peace and return to the mainstream.
I also find it very hard to fathom that all human beings, no mater how evil they may appear, don’t have regrets when they close their eyes and revisit the wrongs they have done. Their time will come.
By Gary On May 27, 2009
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Expectations of ones self are at times a healthy method of setting goals that can encourage personal growth. Expectations are present in all aspects of our lives. Our jobs, our relationships, our faith, all comprise a certain mindset that expects things to occur in a logical progression. This is commonly known as our “comfort zone”. Dealing with everyday events that fall within our comfort zone are easily dealt with and taken in stride with little effort.
On the other hand, when expectations are set to high it makes them unattainable therefore having a negative effect on all involved. I am not saying to set the bar low so it is easy to attain the goal set forth, but setting it to high is unrealistic and prevents any form of self gratification.
So our goal in essence is setting our expectations high enough to encourage personal growth while keeping them within reach. Breaking them down into manageable pieces also makes it less intimidating to achieve.
Looking back through your life at your failed relationships or jobs or anything for that matter is simply the result of not meeting the expectations of the parties involved. Not necessarily anyone’s fault but the fact remains that one or both of the party’s expectations not being satisfied are the root cause of the problem.
Perhaps a better method would be to identify and make each others expectations known at the outset of any given situation. Take away the possibility of an unpleasant surprise after the fact. Letting others know what you expect can only have a positive impact on any relationship.
By Gary On May 23, 2009
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“Searching for Answers to Questions Unknown” is the sub title to my blog. Please allow me to explain the meaning.
Through out my life I have struggled with mild depression and the never ending search for the reason or reasons behind our ability to deal with everyday life. One constant remains in an ever changing world. That is problems will occur on what may seem like a constant basis. Our method of solving those problems is what defines us as a person.
My point is this…We all have problems and all deal with them in our own way. But the first and I feel the most important step, is to identify what, in fact, the problem is. We know that we have an issue and we know that status quo is not an option. But putting our finger on the pulse of the problem is at times a very daunting task. Hence the term “Questions Unknown”.
Over the years I have read many books and been through many cassette tape programs on motivational tactics. The first for me being “See You at the Top”, Zig Ziglar addresses the problem of “stinkin thinkin”. All of these programs have very valid points and provided a much needed shot in the arm. But all have lacked the personal touch. By design they are intended to reach a broad audience where one can pick and choose the issues that may pertain to them.
My intent with this platform is to personalize the approach. To open a discussion and do the research required to identify the questions that we need to ask ourselves in order to achieve Mind Peace. The first step in solving the problem is to identify and admit to ourselves that the problem exists.
So in closing I am asking you to get involved and share your issues. Maybe if we all put our heads together we can come up with something that will help. In the meantime we will all learn something from the experience. This could be the beginning of a totally new outlook if you give it a shot.
By Gary On May 21, 2009
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I have always been one to continuously ask questions about anything and everything. My parents commented many times while I was growing up about my constant need for answers. Many a laugh was had on the subject. All the while they were very happy for my heightened yearn for information.
Bottom line…If you don’t ask, you don’t learn, period. Yes books and many other sources of gaining knowledge were always available, but the ability to question was the key to having it all make sense. Some take this as a negative thing, but actually nothing could be more positive.
Many aspects of our lives are a constant question. A natural progression in the search for mental peace of mind. A healthy quest to say the least. This is the ultimate form of self fulfillment. The ability to look into the mirror and be happy with the reflection is a basic human need that escapes so many. Hence the need for us to continue to question ourselves and our actions on a daily basis. Who knows, before long we may start to like the answers we give ourselves. This has always been my ultimate goal.
What questions do you have? About life, spirituality, common sense, or anything that may be on your mind. This is the platform to share and hear from others that may be of like mind. We can all learn from others situations.