Passing Effect

We all have experienced the grief of the passing of a family member, friend or someone we looked up to. It leaves one with a feeling of bewilderment. My experience has been that of being lost and not knowing what to do really. Thoughts race through your mind to revisit the times you spent with the person. Also wondering if there was any way you could have changed the outcome of the demise.

Justification then ensues in your mind. Telling yourself that they are now in a better place. If the person happened to be in great pain at the time then the thought of relief tends to enter into your hopes for their soul. All the time wondering what really happens after their death. No matter how strong your faith this is a time that you question the entire process.

I have often asked the question “Am I grieving for them, or am I grieving for me”. The answer is both I would think. If the person was close to you an immediate void is created in your life that you must learn to deal with. This can have a very negative effect and can even induce a stage of panic. Being with friends and family at this point is imperative in my view in order to sort things out in your own mind.

I have had to deal with this issue many times throughout my life. My approach has always been to reflect on the positive things about the person. The things that made you love or respect the person that has passed. I pick a certain situation that will portray the subject in the most positive manner in my mind. I guess it is my way of honoring the memory of that individual.

In my younger years I never really understood the entire process. It always seemed unfair that certain people were taken early in their lives and others less deserving were allowed to continue. I still today question that same process. But apparently age and repetition have made it a bit easier to deal with. I would hate to admit that I am becoming numb to the concept but that very well may be occurring. Death is a part of life. One must accept that. Everyone is different in their acceptance. We all deal with it in our own way.

Knowing that death is inevitable should allow us to use it in a positive manner. Find a way to honor the memory of the ones you love and not dwell on the pain of your loss. I am quite aware that this is much easier said than done. My only wish is that I could actually follow this advice myself.